I don't feel happy to work on this FRIday

hmmm...
something different at work today...
my buddies from work are gone.... *sniff...

TW, E, R and I used to be buddies gang in my team...
Tho I always absent for their outings... but still they're my mates at work...

end of June, TW left...
Eng of July, Eve left...
and 6th of Aug.... Raye left too.... :'(

honestly, I don't feel like coming to work today...
the minimal motivation to work ( where the 'minimal' comes from...? even if I hate my job, I still need it in order to live my life... ) ... is becoming even lesser and lesser...

I used to have really nice mood when coming to work on every Fri.. just bcuz it's FRI...
but I'm not today...
a day that I can no longer ask around ' hey... wut ya up to on this weekend? '

I'm thinking who should I sit with during the TeamLunch today...? *sigh...

usually credit team would be kinda free & easy during beginning of the quarter...
especially while closing procedures are carrying on.. we won't get to do much works...
I was surprise that this week turned up to be a very busy-week for me...

I opened more than 10 browsers in every morning...
won't get to browse any of them, at the end of the day, I closed all and shut down my laptop...
yes.. it's up to this stage... it happened since Monday...
the ridiculous thingy is... even I was so busy...
I spent less than half of my times to do my-works... believe it or not?
but to follow-up or 'helping' others on theirs...

I reckon in this new quarter, there're 2 new things that added into my job scopes...
1. 'couching' newbiesSs
2. 'scolding' seniors...

it's so abnormal that I don't rily feel like talking after works these days...
I supposed I've talked too much during works...
which rily worn me out... ( I think the tire'ness is accumulated )

last week,
I've done something that freaked myself and my colleagues out...
I scolded a senior who is 14 yrs older than me, screamed out loud over the phone to him...
I think this is the first time, I seriously scolded someone so BADly... (*ashame)
so loud, so angry,
the accumulated of angers had covered over my eyes, spreaded over my mind...

even his team lead & my manager were in the con-call with us...
no one had speak a word but ME to keep scolding and screaming insanely at him, the-Uncle...
I was so pissed.. and it really spoilt my whole day.. my beautiful Fri...

feeling myself so under-paid.. meanwhile, my workloads just keep on adding and adding...
not only doing my own-job, but supporting others too... *damnIT !

seriously,
I do not know which direction am I heading...
should I stay on the ground or wert?
might be the first one that planned to leave,
ended up.. everyone came after has left,
and me alone being stupid sitting here and supporting others... =.=

there's a fav phrase that I learnt from a MR ages ago...
" things will just not be as handy as we wish sometimes.. "
I think I would modify 1 for my own version...

" MY thingies will just not be as handy as I wish Most-of-MY-time... " *duh

awaiting an answer...
gOsh...

been slowing down in the past quarter...
what am I doing now?
it's August in 2009 d !!! I doubt if I've achieved anything in the past 7 mths...
there're few books that I started halfway end of last 2 quarter...
a Q has overed, but I did not finish reading any of them still...
I guess I need more sleep, more rest..
in order to avoid myself to feel so tired/ so sleepy again when going to starbucks for reading session...
can't believe that I did not read in the passed 3 mths .... huh...
time flies...

mission for myself in this quarter...

figure out the Ws that I really looking forward to...
think & make them real...
for myself.. for my own sake...

( for those who think I'm growing insane after reading this post...
no I'm not... not feeling upset to...
just like to shout out my feeling on my blog...
mah way to release... yo ~ )